This Is Embarrassingly Personal, But Sharing Is Teaching
The garden party I mentioned in a message earlier this year is happening this Saturday!
I’m so excited to bring it to life and can’t wait to share how it goes with you in next week’s message.
Something I’ve said for years (to myself and here) is “I’m here to spread the good, the holy and the beautiful”. I picked this line up from The Way of Mastery years ago and I really feel like the garden party is an extension of this intention.
The party is not only an extension of something that wants to flow from my heart, but it’s also filled with beauty in how I want to aesthetically present it. The little details are getting me so excited!
I also love this quote from Melanie Ann Layer: “Celebration is a party thrown in the name of gratitude.”
With tasting and partaking in fancy champagne being a central theme of the party, I thought this quote tied in perfectly to create an underlying intention for the party, as well!
To build on the frequency of gratitude as we near the party, I’m personally taking time this week to think about the things I’m grateful for in order to intentionally anchor in these moments as we toast and taste our champagne.
In order to compound the frequency of gratitude, I texted our group asking them to think of something they’re grateful for to toast to at the party.
I was bummed when I didn’t hear back from them on that text thread.
It was a longer text to set the context (I tend to do that) so it may have been hard for them to read it when it came through and easily forgotten about.
Or maybe it felt like “too much” for something that’s supposed to be a fun, easy (no homework!) gathering, lol.
Whatever the reasons for no response, it opened up an opportunity for self-reflection (as these moments do)…
When it came down to it, I felt vulnerable for not receiving a response.
Vulnerable to rejection and disappointment…
Rejected for feeling ghosted and disappointed for not feeling matched in my excitement around my intentionality for the party.
I momentarily contracted my energy field as I became temporarily identified with feeling hurt.
This whole idea started as an expression of love, yet my field was contracting.
All because some external thing wasn’t matching my expectations.
That’s not how I desire to be.
I want to hold a space of love AND maintain it, regardless of my external environment.
So I took myself through the process I always take myself through when I become temporarily identified with feeling hurt (i.e., identified with ego).
I took responsibility for feeling hurt as opposed to incorrectly blaming them for causing me to feel hurt.
I took responsibility for my own experience of vulnerability by understanding it triggered a sense of rejection and disappointment that needed to be addressed and healed…or, at a minimum, owned on my part.
Before we take responsibility, we unconsciously want to lash out at the external thing we believe has caused our pain or discomfort.
We want to control our outer environment so it reflects back to us what we think we need to feel safe and secure.
The unconscious part of my nature wanted to text something passive aggressive about being ghosted in an attempt to get an outcome my ego desired.
This is controlling. It’s an unconscious attempt to regain a sense of safety and security.
The conscious part of me wanted nothing to do with being passive aggressive or controlling and, instead, desired true safety and security from within my Self.
That meant dropping deeper than being identified with ego in order to sink into love, wholeness, etc.
This is the space where grace lives.
Grace for others to be however they desire to be without needing them to be different.Grace to forgive myself for experiencing vulnerability and mentally blaming outwardly, even if I never acted on it.
Grace to forgive myself for requiring others to meet my expectations to feel good (safe and secure)…to stay in state of excitement and love.
Grace to let them have the party experience they desire and grace for me to have the party experience I desire (i.e., grace for us each to carry our own vibrational states and intentions).
After taking myself though this process, I cleared the “charged state” I initially felt and returned to an open heart with an excitement for the party that no longer needs to be matched for me to maintain it.
This is what it means to look at our unconscious patterns/reactions and to look at the micro movements of our own ego in order to transform the minutia into greater awareness, which always equals more love and an ever closer internal state of wholeness.
This was a very minor incident in the big scheme of things. Many would have passed over it either by reacting unconsciously by outwardly saying something or inwardly holding onto resentment.
But these things have to be brought up and transformed if you truly desire to rest in unconditional love and wholeness.
Blaming outwardly won’t move you forward on this journey.
I encourage you to notice when you do this and then take yourself through the process I shared above to create a stronger foundation of wholeness to live from.
And if you’d like more help on understanding how and what to take responsibility for when it comes to these unconscious patterns, I highly encourage you to check out The People Pleaser’s Guide To Reclaiming Your Personal Power if you haven’t already done so.
I have a future guide coming out on managing unmet expectations from a place of peace and power.
Always Shine Brightly,
Shanna
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