Letting Go of the Need To Be Liked
There’s a difference between wanting to be liked and needing to be liked.
You can want to be liked without altering who you are.
But when you need to be liked you’re at risk of altering who you are and how you behave in order to be liked.
When you want to be liked without altering who you are, you can let go of not being liked and continue as you are.
It’s so important to be aware of the difference.
I encourage you to observe yourself as you interact with others, whether it’s existing relationships or being around new people, in new situations and circumstances.
Do you feel yourself adjusting to meet the standards of another or are you comfortably holding yourself in who you know yourself to be, regardless of another’s reaction or opinion of you?
These can be micro movements in ourself or patterns that are unconsciously running us.
Become adept at uncovering the unconscious patterns and more vigilant at noticing the micro movements in yourself that subtly adjust to what will gain you the validation (applause, belonging, being thought of in a flattering way, someone not being mad or upset with you, etc.).
We have a strong need to be accepted – to feel a sense of belonging – but if it comes at the expense of simply feeling safe in being yourself, it’s not worth it.
It costs you trusting yourself, truly knowing yourself, liking and loving yourself…
It costs you the freedom to simply be who you are.
And this can wreak havoc on your nervous system, keeping an underlying stress running in you as you work to navigate and attempt to control other people’s emotions towards you.
But if you learn to give yourself everything you believe you need from another, the entire dynamic shifts.
Instead of entering scenarios looking for these external things, you enter scenarios having already gifted yourself with whatever you previously seeking for in others.
You consciously give yourself the gift of love and acceptance without requiring it of another…
You give yourself the gift of the safety you desire by owning who you are whether or not someone accepts any of the aspects you’ve already chosen to accept about yourself…
You give yourself the gift of freedom to express without waiting on permission to express in a certain way (i.e., you’re no longer at risk of adjusting your expression to meet the approval of the social group you’re entering into).
This is freedom.
It still allows you to feel good when you receive flattering feedback, but you no longer depend on the feedback to feel good, liked, accepted, or to express yourself freely etc.
It just gets to be icing on the cake, regarding something you already know about yourself.
And in moments of unflattering feedback, you’re in a position to release the need for the feedback to be flattering in order to know, love and accept yourself.
This is a powerful state to live from. It’s full of personal power, emotional intelligence and spiritual maturity.
And it comes from simply gifting yourself with the freedom to operate from your true essence…your most natural state when the fear of not being liked is stripped away.
Think on this. Observe yourself. Pick up on patterns. Look for the gifts you’re waiting for another to give you. And gift yourself these gifts.
I go into these dynamic in much more detail in The People Pleaser’s Guide To Reclaiming Your Personal Power if you desire diving deeper into these understandings (and benefits).
Always Shine Brightly,
Shanna
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