Drop The Guilt & Manipulation
So often we get buried in conflict and frustration because we have all these expectations for how and what others should or shouldn’t be/do and we get upset when these expectations aren’t met.
Then we get frustrated when we feel that same sense of obligation thrown our way.
We try to bind others to our own expectations, but resent when we feel bound by other’s expectations of us!
Then, we bury ourselves in guilt, frustration, anger, resentment and bitterness around unmet expectations we have of others and feeling a sense of obligation from other’s expectations of us.
The best way to free ourselves from these constraints is to give each other the space to say No.
How refreshing to release ourselves to choose, without feeling a sense of guilt, obligation or expectation, the thing that most aligns with our own desire…
…and to trust others to make decisions that align with what they truly desire to do (or not do).
To not take these decisions personally, but simply to see them as an alignment based on our respective inner desire.
We’ve got to stop guilting and manipulating each other.
And we’ve got to stop taking things personally when someone chooses to say No.
We get buried in guilt, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment when we say Yes out of a sense of obligation (i.e., not feeling the space to say No).
We get buried in guilt, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment when we take someone else’s decision personally (i.e., not giving them the space to say No).
We get buried in guilt, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment when we say Yes out of fearing the other person is going to be upset with us (because they took it personally by not giving us the space to say No).
We get buried in guilt, frustration, anger, bitterness and resentment when we say Yes out of fearing the other person isn’t going to like us (because they held you responsible for making their world work).
Unhealthy relationships are created when we continuously level these expectations on each other, because they’re based in some level of guilt and manipulation.
They continue in an unhealthy dynamic when we fail to have open conversations around these expectations, not feeling the space to say No, feeling a sense of obligation and feeling held responsible for how someone else feels if we choose to say No.
All of this can change with an open dialogue around the dynamic and a willingness to give each other the freedom to respond to requests from an inner alignment with how each person feels.
A healthy dynamic in the relationship is created when guilt, manipulation, obligation and being held responsible for how someone else feels when you say No are removed and, instead, space for an open dialogue is made possible.
It starts by giving each other the space to say No without taking it personally.
When you both operate from a space of love and respect, you have all the ingredients you need to create a dynamic that works better for both of you.
Always Shine Brightly,
Shanna
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