Self-Realization Teachings are Ripe for Spiritual Abuse. How To Protect Yourself…
I’ve spent the past month and a half learning more about cults, high demand groups, group control, etc. and the scariest thing (from my personal point of view) is the overall (mis)use of self-realization teachings.
From Bentinho Massaro’s community to NXIVM to Scientology to the troubled teen industry to Twin Flame University they all (mis)use self-realization teachings by taking a fundamentalist approach to their application (i.e., they do not utilize a compassionate bridge for people to incrementally grow in this process of self-realization).
They also intentionally misuse these teachings by failing to teach self-forgiveness and, instead, sneakily inserting a shame cycle in its place (I wrote about this in a previous blog/post).
They take the basic premise of self-realized teachings, regarding there being two of you: you as the not yet realized state and you as the realized state and weave their abusive intention through what should be (when the intention is pure) a sacred process of spiritual growth for any soul on the planet.
It sets up a scenario where “the group’s teachings” are used to uphold the idealized version of the “realized state” over the “unrealized state”.
Prior to actually knowing the realized state, students/group members are taught that the unrealized version is not real (since it’s not their ultimate truth) so it can (and must) be “torn” down through the application of these teachings as a way of becoming “realized”. (There are different terms for these two states depending on the group or organization).
This means any “attack” on the unrealized aspect of you is fair game since it’s not who you ultimately are in your self-realized state, where the “attack” is seen as applying the teachings in the name of gaining the intended growth.
This is how abuse is carried out in plain sight. The group has been conditioned to accept what can only be described as “attacks” in the name of it being for their spiritual growth.
In Bentinho’s community this is done through group distortion reading where one person is subjected to the entire group doing a “distortion reading” on them. All distortions are apart of the unrealized self so they can be readily pointed out in the name of helping that person self-realize.
In NXIVM this was done by allowing all higher ranked coaches to give feedback to anyone ranked lower than them, where all feedback was considered valid and necessary to address in order to move into a fully integrated version of themselves (i.e., the realized version).
In the example of the trouble teen industry I learned about in Elizabeth Gilpin’s interview on A Little Bit Culty (podcast), teens were told to “attack” another kid’s vulnerabilities in the name of it leading them to getting over the vulnerability (vulnerabilities and insecurities live in the unrealized version of ourself, whereas the realized version of ourself is invulnerable and secure).
In Leah Remini’s interview on A Little Bit Culty she said in Scientology, as a 12 year old girl, she had to stand in front of a group of men while they said the most lewd comments to her all in the name of teaching her not to react from the part of her unrealized nature. It was meant to teach her to come from her more evolved, higher nature since this part of our nature is non-reactive. You can see how this is hiding abuse in plain sight since the community’s collective agreement is to live as more evolved beings by going through the necessary training to evolve. She also said this program is taught to girls starting at 5 years old but her family happened to join Scientology when she was 12. They’re also taught never to call to the police and, instead, to handle things internally. This gives an indication of the intentional abuse people are groomed to accept as spiritual growth and an “evolved community” that stands a part from the rest of society.
In Twin Flame University (another interview from A Little Bit Culty with a whistleblower), members of the community are taught to utilize twin flame relationships for spiritual growth where the founders of TFU happened to be the experts on identifying and selecting each member’s twin flame (i.e., romantic partners committed to spiritual growth). If the relationship was abusive, they’re taught to see it as an opportunity for spiritual growth where some aspect of the abuse is arising in them as something to be healed. There was also a heavy threat to them leaving a twin flame relationship under the idea it would severely hinder their spiritual growth (maybe even cause further karma to work though later). TFU is a real sh*t show of spiritual abuse under ideas of the leaders being the only ones who truly channeled who’s twin flame was who’s, how previous lives contributed to the abuse people were experiencing in their current twin flame relationship (i.e., they were an abuser in a previous life and were repaying that karma through the current abusive relationship). This organization is still alive and well, btw.
As someone who believes in self-realization teachings I’m completely disturbed and shocked at the gaping hole they leave open for abuse.
In fact, they offer the perfect set up for abuse disguised as spiritual growth since they set up a scenario where people’s commitment and desire for spiritual growth is unknowingly used against them in atrocious ways.
Predators are co-opting people’s genuine intention and search for spiritual growth and enslaving them in a spiritual belief system that is actually intended to breakdown the only version of themself they know…the unrealized version.
Without any grasp or foothold on some aspect of the realized version, the entire destructive process is taking place within the unrealized self…the only part of the self they’re currently able to identify with.
There is NO GROWTH. ONLY INTENTIONAL ABUSE AND TRAUMA.
Instead of building self-worth and self-esteem and using it as a bridge to the fully realized self, the application of these teachings are designed to steadfastly erode self-esteem and self-worth (the only “sense of self” the student knows) and replace it with a direct dependence on the group/leader to know the realized version of themself.
It’s intentionally eradicating any grip on the self that the student has by opening up a “no man’s land” where new conditioning is steadfastly dropped in, in accordance with the leader’s intention.
This is all happening within the “unrealized” version of the self since that’s the space where all conditioning takes root (a self-realized state is beyond all conditioning).
So the idea that this is bringing people to a self-realized state is completely flawed and abusive in it’s approach (which further shines a light on it’s impure intent)
Additionally, people generally do not self-realize from an unhealthy version of their unrealized self (there are instances where people self-realize under intense distress but these instances of distress aren’t created by teachers, they’re created by life’s circumstances like being a Prisoner of War).
Yet teachers of these toxic groups are attempting to destroy the unrealized version of the self by attacking their self-worth, self-esteem, vulnerabilities and insecurities under the guise it’s leading to (or only upholding) the self-realized version.
It’s now evident the intention is not to self-realize, but rather to tear down, destroy and control people for their own self-serving purposes.
It’s teaching students/group members how to navigate in new ways based on concealing what they’ve been called out for, avoiding being called out, being seen in a light that please’s the leader and member’s of the community based on what’s expected.
This is all conditioning. It’s mimicking an image of the desired realized state (or whatever desired state the leader wants). Again, it’s not getting people closer to actually waking up and living from the realized version.
It’s also perpetuating the toxic environment by pushing this same system of abuse and control onto members of the community “below you” since it’s the expected behavior for all to comply with.
Spiritual teacher, J. Krishnamurti, said (I’m paraphrasing), “to truly self-realize you can’t condition the change.”
How could this lead to self-realization as it would simply be an act of behaving from a new set of conditioning?
The aggressive, “fundamentalist” application of these teachings is an attempt at conditioning the change versus actually creating the change from the unrealized version to the realized version.
It can’t work. It won’t work. It doesn’t work.
Instead, it’s intentionally abusive, meant to subjugate good hearted, well-intentioned people to an authority figure.
Self-realization teachings in the hands of a teacher with pure intent utilizes a compassionate bridgewhere students are allowed to be where they are and to move at a rate that resonates with them individually.
Self-esteem and self-worth are built up, not torn down. They’re used as a ladder to come to a point where enough strength, courage, clarity and desire has built up in the soul to CHOOSE FREELY, from one’s own free will, to see that their next right step is to let go of the ladder (the unrealized self) and realize the self. Not a moment sooner. And never from some outside force attempting to push and/or manipulate you into this step.
This step can’t be done through an outside force of manipulation and abuse as it must come from the soul that is ripe and ready to choose this.
Anything short of this would be some movement of conditioning within the unrealized self.
This is the inherent flaw in trying to corral people towards self-realization in these aggressive ways.
It can’t work, since it’s only serving to re-condition the unrealized version of ourself based on a shifting of content.
In the case of these toxic teachers and communities, it’s shifting the content from a normal, functioning human to one who is experiencing severe abuse.
There’s no positive spiritual growth happening. It’s all taking someone through a process that’s making them worse off.
The leaders of these groups, communities and organizations know this. It’s how they’re controlling the group for their own self serving purposes.
This is why these approaches are intentionally abusive and considered “spiritual rape” (not to mention the set up in some groups to allow actual rape under the idea that complete surrender to a master guru is needed for enlightenment. Listen to the current episode on A Little Bit Culty with Erin Robbins to understand how this occurred with Osho, something the Wild Wild Country docu-series on Netflix completely missed).
Spiritual rape is occurring by taking someone’s genuine desire for spiritual growth and subjugating them through a process that systematically dismantles the only sense of self they know by creating a “no man’s land” sensation, where the teacher fills the void with a set of conditioning that’s self-serving.
This teacher can then take advantage of the person by saying anything done to the unrealized version is not real and is being done in the name of helping them self-realize.
Add on a layer of teachings saying it’s paramount you take personal responsibility and never claim to be a victim and the leader can abuse you in plain sight and never be called out for it or considered responsible for it.
This is very dangerous and messed up stuff. It sickens me that the base of the abuse is utilizing the core tenets of self-realization teachings.
The path of spiritual growth is ideally meant to be path of continued progress towards knowing one’s deepest nature (realizing our higher-self), not an immediate destruction of the only part of our nature we know ourselves as…the unrealized version of ourself that is the very fabric of our current, lived experience.
Yet the entire set up for abuses of this nature are based on the the idea that we are two versions of ourself, the unrealized and the realized, where our lived experience as the unrealized version is placed on an alter of destruction, held unmercifully in the hands of an external authority figure(s) to do with it as they please, in the name of it being for our growth.
There is no compassion in this approach.
How could there be when the intention is abuse and control?
Yet the beliefs held in these groups, communities and organizations are based in the idea of a “noble” leader with a “noble mission”, where the group is thought to be special, chosen and more evolved. This is what’s necessary to get people to surrender to the teachings without ever recognizing the abuse at play or the underlying intention of such groups. The leader and the group are seen through a lens of pure intent which keeps everyone from seeing the abuse that’s in plain sight.
My advice when entering a potential spiritual or self-help community is to be on high alert for feelings of elitism (feeling special for being an advanced soul ready for this advanced/noble mission for humanity…I don’t believe there is a special mission that exists; you’re either interested self-realization or your not…if you’re only interested because the mission or feeling of specialness is dangling in front of you like a carrot, you’re not really interested in the teachings so stay away as they could cause you more trouble), “us against them” thinking (self-realization is ALWAYS beyond “us against them” thinking as this is dividing and self-realization is about unity…elitism always produces “us against them” thinking) and an aggressive approach to applying the teachings (no compassionate bridge for people to progress on their own timing, no compassion for where others are in their path…this is also produced from elitism and is not a safe or healthy space to learn and grow in).
Using the idea that two versions of you exist and you’re trying to move from one to another (a tenet of self-realization teachings) is also what allows people to be taught NOT to listen to their intuition by framing it as fear keeping you stuck in the unrealized version.
Do as best as you can to LISTEN to your intuition! Do not override it. Do not make exceptions for discrepancies.
Try as hard as you can NOT to let cognitive dissonance around seeing someone with pure intent keep you from looking at intuitive sensations and/or discrepancies that are trying to say something is off.
Recognize that cognitive dissonance is very powerful…it’s what will keep you from seeing any abuse that’s in plain sight if you’ve chosen to steadfastly see someone/a community with pure intent.
Your mind will constantly work to uphold your original belief in pure intent by compensating for the discrepancies through a justification that makes the discrepancy seem reasonable.
Because of the huge gaping hole for abuse that exists when considering yourself as two versions, the safest way to go forward is to be the version that you directly experience. Navigate from this space, trusting yourself to spiritually grow at the natural rate you’re meant to grow in.
Listen to your heart, follow it and keep going as the person in the driver’s seat (not some version of yourself that’s yet to be realized).
This will also keep you from unnecessarily gaslighting yourself when you “don’t meet the bar for the realized version of yourself”.
The vulnerability to gaslighting yourself as well as the teacher and/or community gaslighting you is another big pitfall to considering there are two versions of yourself.
As a reminder, forgiveness is the way through, not gaslighting yourself through shame and self-condemnation.
The gaping hole self-realization teachings leave vulnerable to abuse has been completely eye-opening, especially since it’s the approach I’ve taught and used for years in my own journey. Because of this I’m currently re-evaluating and re-thinking if and how I want to move forward with what I share.
Of course I recognize my intention has always been pure (and I use a compassionate bridge) but I have to weigh what it means to even give people the idea that two versions exist against the vulnerability it leaves them with, regarding the potential misuse of this concept by others. I’m still sitting with this.
For now, I’m writing about this topic of spiritual abuse from the various angles that continue to come to me weekly. With time, it’ll all shake out and I’ll land in a place of sharing (or not sharing) that feels right for me.
I hope this serves you in the highest as you continue to navigate your spiritual path.
Sincerely,
Shanna
Subscribe to blog via email
