The Best Definition of Ego I’ve Ever Heard!

My whole body of work is based in demystifying ego…that mysterious “thing” that veils us from knowing our deepest truth. So it’s not uncommon for someone to ask me to define ego.

Internally I think, “My whole body of work points to its various attributes, how do I narrow it down to one sentence that actually gives a graspable understanding of what ego is?”.

I usually say it’s our false self, but I know it’s still too abstract and only makes sense to those who are already somewhat familiar with a spiritual path.

However, when my personal mentor was asked this, he gave the perfect answer, one that was both succinct and graspable…

He said “it is that which can be hurt.”

This answer is a thousand times better than describing ego as our false self because it points to something that can be easily recognized…emotional pain. It points to the aspect of our nature that feels vulnerable…the part of our nature that acts out through defense or attack to minimize any sense of vulnerability.

It immediately causes us to begin an inner exploration as we ask ourselves “where am I vulnerable to being hurt?”. This question may at first be in rebellion to the answer that was given, but nonetheless, it generates inner exploration…the whole point of the inner journey.

The statement points to the very vulnerabilities that we’ve taken for granted (in our belief that they define us) and asks us to begin questioning their validity. It immediately activates the observer in us, which breaks the spell that ego has held over us.

Defining ego as that which can be hurt leads to the necessary inner questioning that must take place to know ourselves beyond ego…to know the place in ourselves that is completely invulnerable to being hurt.

Ego uses whatever it can get us to identify with to hold itself together in our awareness…its use of emotional pain is one of its primary tools for achieving this. Emotional pain is created when we desire something to happen and it doesn’t or when we desire something not to happen and it does.

This desire is based in a perceived psychological attachment to “needing” these things to be other than they are to feel peace. The need to be fulfilled through these desires means that we’re operating from an inner sense of lack.

This sense of incompleteness is what needs to be healed. But because we cannot see that’s what has to occur, we’re driven (out of fear) to fulfill this sense of lack, which sets up our vulnerability to emotional hurt…

We “need” to feel a sense of belonging (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to be accepted (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to feel supported (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to feel understood (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to be better than so and so (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to feel respected (or we feel hurt).

We “need” a romantic partner (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to be liked (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to win (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to be right (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to feel seen (or we feel hurt).

We “need” to feel loved (or we feel hurt).

Our emotional pain is created out of an endless cycle of fear and vulnerability caused from an agreement to our own sense of incompleteness (our root identification with ego). When we agree to this, our entire emotional-makeup is based on whether or not the above “needs” are being filled and, then, it fluctuates accordingly.

The inner journey is about becoming independent of these psychological needs that occur through our identification with ego. This independence stems from a consciously achieving a state of psychological wholeness.

When this is achieved, we anchor in the ground of our being…that which is invulnerable in our complete vulnerability. We fully integrate with the truth of our being.

The energy dynamics of our entire being changes once this transformation occurs…fear dissolves from our awareness, allowing love to fill every inch of spaciousness that was previously consumed with fear.

We no longer act out of a perceived “need” to feel fulfilled or to feel peace. Only ego does to get. Instead, coming from a place of psychological wholeness, all outer movement is based in love as an extension of love.

This state becomes possible through our (small) willingness to explore and question every perceived hurt, such that it no longer has an emotional hold over us.

Trust in this statement from A Course in Miracles: you are that which is invulnerable in your complete vulnerability.

Invite divine guidance in. Allow it to guide your healing. And trust that there will come a time when you’re so anchored in the love and peace (the ground of your being) that no psychological pull will take you out of that state.

You are not your ego. You are something much more powerful….you are pure love and light.

To knowing our own invulnerability,

Shanna