How NOT To Go Into Navigation Mode!

Have you ever had a situation or relationship dynamic, where you stressed yourself out to the point of over thinking every little thing that you said or should have said?  Maybe you were over thinking the situation as a way of getting a specific result that you desired (that’s called manipulation).  Or maybe you were just worried about setting off the other person’s trigger, so you set about trying to tip-toe around said trigger.  When we enter into situations and relationships in these manners, we are in what I refer to as “navigation mode”.

The problem with going into navigation mode is that we start to filter what we say and do through our fear of not attaining our desired outcome.  Fear becomes our governing force.  It takes us out of a place of purity— being and acting from our heart without concern for the ripple effect—and aligns us with our false self.  When we’re over thinking what we should say or do, we are blocking the Divine from easily flowing through us and bringing the words (or silence), action (or non-action), and energy that the given situation calls for.

When I look at the situations that have typically caused me to drop into a navigation mode, they have occurred in instances where the other person had a dominant opinion about how things, and in some cases, me specifically, should be.  Little inside tip on me:  I’m pretty strong in who I am, but I don’t necessarily vocalize this when someone exhibits an expectation for how others should be that contradicts mine.  So, if I know someone wants or expects me to be a certain way, I see that expectation as a trigger for them to attempt to mold me to their expectation.  Well I don’t want them to be triggered because it’s uncomfortable for me to deal with—confrontation, yuck!  So what do I do?  I take the highly graceful route of simply keeping those parts of myself from being brought to the forefront of the conversation.  Pretty smooth plan, eh?

Well, I thought it was a pretty brilliant approach until I started experiencing and thinking about how stressful navigating actually is!  When I got caught up in these situations, I was always on hyper-alert, regarding how to avoid confrontation.  This was especially stressful if I spent too much time around someone where this was a dynamic of the relationship.  In these instances, I was bound to get tripped up…not to mention, it totally zapped my energy to be on being hyper-alert, in this manner!

Before realizing that navigation mode was actually disempowering my ability to connect to my authentic self, I thought it was a good way to avoid confrontation.  In using this approach to avoid triggering the other person, I created a small gap between my ability to fully align with my authentic self and who I was being while in navigation mode.  I may have avoided a confrontation with the other person, but, internally, I was conflicted.  What I’ve come to see, is that the creation of this small gap is the difference between experiencing stress and peace.

Instead of being open to receiving divine guidance on how I could most effectively and authentically handle the situation on a moment-to-moment basis, I was trying to mitigate or control the outcome to the best of my ability (versus relying on an intelligence far greater than me to guide my thoughts and behavior).  When we fall into the trap of navigating people and situations, we become consumed with keeping “x” from happening or ensuring that “y” happens.  This shuts down our receptivity to divine guidance.  Our energy becomes closed to receiving guidance from outside of our fear-based goals and objectives for what should happen.  In my case, I feared that the other person would become triggered.  I feared dealing with the aftermath of that trigger.  I feared bringing light to the fact that I would not mold myself to meet their expectations for how they thought I should be.  I feared a confrontation around this revelation.  I didn’t fear who I was or that they would not like me for being that person…I feared the confrontation itself.  It was easier for me to just hide those particular parts of myself under the radar of their specific triggers.  But the fear-based goal of hiding from their triggers took an unnecessary toll on my energy system.

While I was focused on staying under the radar of their triggers, I was not focused on aligning with love.  Instead of coming from a place of love—a place that would allow love to extend—I came from a place of fear.  I feared the ripple effect of their trigger, whether it was a fear of confrontation or a fear of being responsible for upsetting the apple cart of the worldview. In shifting our attention to aligning with love, we’re able to allow whatever is meant to happen, to happen.  When this occurs, another really amazing thing takes place….without being consumed with fear, the ripple effect is no longer fearful.

Instead of viewing the other persons’ triggered reaction as stressful and frustrating, we are able to view it lovingly and compassionately.  In aligning with love, we let go of our own desires to be understood.  As we do this, other people’s expectations lose power over us.  As compassion sets in on our side, we can, then, see that the other person’s expectations and desires are coming from a place of ego or fear…a place of wanting to be heard, understood, or agreed with (just as we previously did).  We understand that they were simply triggered because they expected or desired us to agree with their worldview.  We see that we have the choice to not meet their expectation and that it is okay.  This is what allows us to no longer be offended by their expectations for us, and instead, to have compassion for the fear that is causing them to have those desires and expectations.

When love is brought to a situation, instead of fear, the ripple effect is also viewed in an entirely new light.  We are no longer responsible for how the other person responds (we would be if we were coming from a place outside of peace, love, and compassion). The ripple effect becomes their growth point.  It reveals to them where their “assignments” lie in regards to aligning with love.  Many won’t be ready to do the work that their assignments require and it is for us to see that that, too, is okay.  When our defenses are laid aside, the art of allowing is engaged and love is allowed to flow.  It’s a beautiful thing.

I challenge all of us (myself included!), to begin looking at all of the situations that trigger us to drop into navigation mode.  I challenge us to look for the fear-based triggers that are causing us to navigate, instead of allow and love.  I challenge us to bring these fears to light for healing.  (Many of these fears are coming in the form of the desire to be understood…for more on this topic, see my blog The Desire To Be Understood).

As we begin to heal, our capacity for inner peace and love expands.

In my book, A Call to the Heart: Shifting Out of Ego into Spirit, I use the longer format to go into much more detail, regarding how to shift out of a fear-based mindset to one based in love.  For those who are interested in engaging in this topic on a deeper level, my book is available at Amazon and online at Barnes & Noble.

As always, the journey continues…

With love,

Shanna