The Friction of Conflict

A few weeks ago I was watching an episode of Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday series, where she was interviewing DeVon Franklin for his book, Produced by Faith.  Since DeVon is a Hollywood Executive his book relates our spiritual journey to constructing and developing the plot of a movie.  Given this parallel, he believes conflict is an essential part of our spiritual journey.  As with the plot of a movie, without drama or conflict, there is no story (or journey).  Initially, this struck me as completely contradictory to our journey towards peace.  How could conflict lead to peace?

The truth is I have been using conflict to propel my spiritual journey, but from my perspective, the goal is to reach a point where the factors that create drama no longer register in our awareness.  At which point, conflict would no longer be a part of our journey.

We can use the friction created by conflict for spiritual growth when we learn to grow beyond the factors that caused the initial drama; otherwise we keep the drama alive by unconsciously playing it out over and over again.  We remain stuck in the cycle of ego.

In Be Love Now Ram Dass describes this process as the following:  “Human life is a series of experiences.  We start to see each experience as a teaching to be brought into awareness and loved until we are free from being captivated by the experience.  As we begin to awaken experiences lead to reflection and contemplation.  Then as we become more aware, experiences become a fire of purification, a burning ground of the ego, grist for the mill of developing consciousness, food enabling the emerging Soul to break free of its bonds.”

In choosing to see our experiences through the prism of ego versus spirit, where ego leads to conflict and spirit leads to peace, we can begin to use conflict to reduce ego’s influence in our awareness.  Understanding why a particular experience registered as conflict in our awareness is what will help us work through it, such that these triggers cease to be unconscious motivators.  This is how we break through the cycles of drama that ego loves to create, such that we move into a state of peace.  For me, the journey is about the plot eventually leveling out.  I’m not there, though (hence all the fodder for these blogs!).  I still get taken out by ego; sometimes to the point of being emotionally blinded by it; other times to the point of having enough awareness to know that ego is at work but not enough self-control to keep from being taken under by it.  Sometimes these are the most difficult moments, because it feels so good to rage against the perceived injustice of the moment.  When I’m in an ego moment like this, I usually swing between raging against the injustice and reminding myself that I ultimately choose the path of peace.

I’ve come to see that sometimes you just have to let the emotional wave run its course (preferably without letting its wake affect anyone else).  Sometimes fighting ego through sheer will power is a futile battle.  If you find yourself in the middle of such a wave, my suggestion is to quarantine yourself.  Maybe that sounds drastic, but it is in moments like these that ego is looking for innocent bystanders to latch onto in order to fuel and project its pain and frustration.  I’m definitely guilty of this.  Sometimes my ego has me so heated with frustration that another person’s attempt at consolation heightens my frustration and I lash out.  In moments like these, my ego wasn’t interested in being consoled; it was interested in more fuel for its fire — more justification for why it feels the way it does.  As I have seen the role that choosing spirit over ego has played in my spiritual growth, I know, in moments like these, that I do not ultimately want to stay in ego’s grip.  This awareness is enough for me to quarantine myself as I let the emotional wave that it has created run its course.

We can build awareness around understanding ego’s desire for justification, such that when we find ourselves in situations like this we recognize what is happening.  We may not prevent ourselves from experiencing the emotional waves of ego, but we can begin to recognize them as waves of ego.  This creates enough space for us to begin to choose peace over conflict.  In choosing peace, we begin to look for a way out of these emotional cycles instead of remaining bound to them.

My most recent experience involves feeling an injustice towards a lack of gratitude for my efforts in helping a friend.  My ego is outraged by these perceived injustices and has built its case for all the reasons I should be upset.  I could share my story with almost anyone else and they would side with me and why I feel the way I do, but where does this get me?  It only keeps me locked in my ego, where resentment thrives.  The only card I have to play is to forgive my friend for these perceived injustices.  Forgiveness tills our awareness with thoughts of love, while resentment tills our awareness with thoughts of anger and frustration.  I can either choose to be right through my justified resentment or I can choose to be an instrument of love through forgiveness.  The choice is clear, but the emotional route to arrive at this place is not always a smooth ride.

When I’m in the middle of ego’s emotional wave, I just want to complain about the injustices I’m experiencing.  Fortunately, progress is made when another part of my awareness kicks in and reminds me that I’m letting ego get the best of me (though ego is trying to convince me that the other person is getting the best of me).  This part of my awareness reminds me that to feel used or taken advantage of is ego’s way of creating conflict, either through the desire to pick a fight or to hold a grudge.  In the scenario with my friend, ego used the creation of an expectation in my friend’s behavior to set the foundation for a conflict to arise.  My ego expected to receive a certain level of gratitude for the things that I had done.  When that expectation was not met, there was cause for resentment.  This expectation was also wrapped in the necessary justification to justify ego’s outrage when it was not met.  From my ego’s perspective, it was not unfair of me to expect the level of gratitude that I desired.  Ego had a locked tight case in favor of my resentment.  The only way to break (or prevent) the cycle of conflict that was being put in place was to let go of the expectation, regarding my friend’s behavior.  If the cycle is already at play, letting go of the expectation is forgiveness.  If we learn to enter similar situations without expectations, this is living from a state of peace.  Peace comes through forgiveness and it stays when forgiveness is no longer necessary.  Forgiveness is no longer necessary when conflict ceases to register in our awareness.

This is why I believe the “plot” of our spiritual journey is ultimately meant to level out.  Until then, the conflict that arises in our everyday experiences is available to serve as “grist for the mill of developing consciousness” to which Ram Dass refers.

To cut through the layers of ego, we have to desire peace over conflict; otherwise we become willing participants in its continued cycles of conflict and drama.  When we choose peace as our ultimate goal, conflict is brought to light, such that all illusions are dispelled and truth can prevail.

As always, the journey continues….

Much love to all,

Shanna

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