8 Tips to Peacefully Create Habits That Stick!

In the spirit of January I wanted to do another goals-themed post. Gotta strike while the iron is hot! When we last visited this issue, we focused on assessing goals from the perspective of right motivation. Now that we’ve got that in order, it’s time to talk stick-to-it-ness (i.e. commitment)!

Commitment or “stick-to-it-ness” is where the rubber meets the road…without it, good intentions quickly fade to the back burner (we don’t want that to happen!), but with it, lasting change becomes possible (ahh, now we’re talking!).

Here are my 8 tips to Peacefully Create Habits That Stick:

Tip #1: Don’t start with a lifetime commitment. This just sets you up for mental overwhelm. Instead, start with a 30 day commitment, or if that’s too much, start with four day commitments and string them together until you reach 30 days (research shows that stringing together 4 day commitments is quite effective).

30 day commitments work well for me (at least in this one particular area)…

For the past five years, I’ve been having once a month “Sweets Weekends” to balance my sweet habits with a weight I’m comfortable with. Here’s how it all began…

Back in 2008, two of my good friends had a confectionary shop, which meant sweets were available to me all. the. time. I’d stop in and they’d load me up with cheesecake, cookies…all the good stuff! I was so happy…until I started to notice a change in how my clothes fit!

One day, I’d finally had enough and said I was giving up sweets and my mocha for 40 days (I went overboard on round one!). I wrote down my commitment on a piece of paper, dated it and put it on my nightstand (unnumbered tip: write down your commitment!). It went something like this:

I, Shanna Covey, commit to not eating sweets or having a coffee (anytime I say coffee it implies mocha) for 40 days.

I didn’t realize my commitment ran straight through my birthday, which meant I had to navigate an awkward hurdle when my boss, at the time, got me a birthday cake…this occurred around day 35, so I was way too deep into my commitment to break it (I plan exceptions for stuff like this now!)!

Tip #2: It’s your commitment, you make the rules! Figure out what works for you to bring about the result you’re after. Round one of my no sweets commitment ended up being too extreme for me, so I’ve since made adjustments. If you follow me on Facebook or Instagram, you know that I no longer give up my mocha. Instead, I use my no sweets commitment as a way to off-set this daily joy. Making this change was a total game changer for me, because it released the feeling of deprivation and allowed me to easily commit to the process, while still bringing about the result I sought.

Tip #3: Create a game plan that works for you, personally. You may share the same goal as someone else but your process to get there could vary significantly. That’s okay. My particular commitment is about bringing balance to my sweets’ habit. For some people, this can be accomplished by monitoring their sweet’s portions within a 30 day timeframe. That does not work for me…one bite and the flood gates open!

It’s actually easier for me to say no to sweets for 30 days straight and then have a guilt-free-blowout-chocolate-indulgent weekend than to manage itty bitty portions throughout the entire month. (And by blowout, I’m talkin’ Oreo blizzards with chocolate syrup, frozen chocolate chip cookies, my namesake cheesecake from The Celia Jacobs Cheesecake Experience—pretty much anything chocolate)!

Tip #4: Make your commitments from a place of peace (or be at peace with your choice not to commit). It’s the space between “I should” or “I shouldn’t” as compared to the choices you’re making that gives your inner critic full range to wield its power over you. Own your choices, so that your inner critic no longer has a place to thrive. I don’t have an inner critic that berates me when I order my mocha or that goes crazy during my sweets weekend, since these choices have been pre-determined and agreed to, from a place of peace.

Tip #5: Make “I choose” your operative phrase. This serves to stop resistance in its tracks. I choose not to eat sweets for 30 days enables me to enter this commitment from an extremely empowering place, day-to-day and month-to-month. If I attempted to enter this commitment from a place of resistance, it would be painful and probably not at all effective, but because I willingly enter this agreement, I don’t encounter resistance.

Tip #6: Even if you break your commitment, own that choice. In the moment that you own this choice, you’re no longer the victim of a failed commitment, but the owner of a new choice. This positions you to start again, or to, at least, remain at peace with your new decision. Again, it tames the inner critic that’s looking for any opportunity to wield its power over you.

Tip #7: Reward yourself after you reach a certain milestone. Now, instead of lamenting whatever it is that you’re changing, you can look towards the light at the end of the tunnel—your reward! The type of reward will vary depending on the goal itself. For instance, if your goal is to stop smoking, rewarding yourself with a cigarette every 30 days may not be optimal. But you could treat yourself to getting your nails done, having a slice of cheesecake, or any other thing that strikes your fancy. My milestone and reward process is pretty straight forward… every fourth weekend I have a “Sweets Weekend” blowout!

Tip #8: Be patient with others as they adjust to your new commitment. Patience allows you to move forward with your commitment undeterred by the response of others. Your changes may not be understood by others. That’s okay. Be patient; they’ll catch on soon enough. Your changes may impact how you previously interacted with others. That’s okay. Be patient; they’ll come around.  When you take ownership of being the patient one, it allows you to understand why someone may respond to you the way they do. It also empowers you to handle their responses from a place of peace.

I’ve been doing my once a month “Sweets Weekend” for five years, so pretty much everyone in my social circle knows about it and is comfortable with it. But along the way, I’ve had to maintain my commitment when others thought it was odd or that I wasn’t really serious (and thus, continued to offer me more sweets). If I wasn’t patient, I could have easily become frustrated by these responses.

Okay, this wraps up my 8 tips to Peacefully Create Habits That Stick!

What tip stood out the most to you? How will you use it to stick to the habits that you’re working to create in 2014? Please share in the comments below.

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To sticking to it!

Shanna