Setting Boundaries: How to Say No
Last week I was helping a client understand how to set a boundary when it meant showing up differently than she ever has.
We practiced role playing to get her used to what the other person involved in the dynamic might say in response to her new way of being (i.e., saying No in a scenario she normally agreed to, but heavily resented).
The biggest way we get ourselves in trouble is when we leave an opening for the other person to change our mind or justify why we should agree to what they’re asking.
However, when you’re in your cleanest energy (i.e., your personal power), you can say No without explaining yourself, justifying it, feeling guilty or being susceptible to the other person’s guilt or manipulation.
As an example, someone could ask something of you and you could respond with “No, that doesn’t for me”. You don’t need to explain any further.
If they come back with “Why not?”, you stay in your power by remaining calm and collected and respond, “Why doesn’t matter. What matters is that it doesn’t work for me.”
If they try to adjust the request by asking for less, you still get to say, “No, that doesn’t for me either”.
If they try to justify why it should work for you by attempting to guilt you, you still get to respond from a calm state of peace and power with “I’m sorry you feel that way, but it doesn’t work for me.”
You hold your power regardless of their reaction.
You remain steadfast in a calm, peaceful state without getting pulled into their reaction.
Often, getting to this point, requires understanding why we find it so difficult to say how we truly feel.
If you find yourself in similar scenarios, I’m currently creating a guide to help you understand why it can feel difficult to say No and how to reclaim your personal power such that saying No can be done with peace and ease.
In the guide, I’m covering the underlying psychology that keeps us from seeing the option to say No as well as how to see this differently so we can begin reclaiming our power to create a healthier dynamic.
And, if, after understanding the underlying dynamics, it still feel too hard to say No, I offer solutions for working with the other person involved in the dynamic to create a healthier one.
I’m pretty excited about this guide!
For now, I just wanted to share this script in case it’s able to serve you in a scenario you may be currently experiencing.
If you don’t want to wait for the guide, I can support you in understanding and setting boundaries through 1:1 coaching.
If you have a particular scenario you’re working through, we may be able to address this in one session focused solely on this issue. Email me at shannacovey@gmail.com for more information on booking a session with me.
Always Shine Brightly,
Shanna
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