Decoding Inner Peace
When it comes to inner peace…
It’s not that I’m completely outside of something bothering me or getting reactive, it’s that I have the wherewithal to understand why I’m bothered/reactive and I have the capacity to take responsibility for my own inner peace.
When we don’t have (or value) self-awareness, we feel completely identified with our reaction or our “reason” for reacting the way we did.
We feel righteous about it.
We defend our position.
We attack when we feel threatened.
We mount resentment as we accumulate grievances.
All of which mount and accumulate because we feel righteous in defending our perspective…a perspective that feels deeply rooted and unmovable.
But what if perception was malleable depending on our capacity to understand our own nature and that of others?
What if we loosened our righteousness by being willing to see our own position, perspective and perception differently?
What if we were willing to extend grace to others for wherever they may be coming from in their reaction, perspective and perception of the situation?
This mitigates a defensive reaction and opens up space to see from multiple perspectives.
Space to see where we may be coming from in our reactive nature.
And space to see where another may be coming from in their reactive nature.
If the other person is willing to loosen their position, an open dialogue becomes possible.
If both are willing to understand their own nature and that of the other, take responsibility for their respective reaction, and hold a shared goal of coming from a more healed place in themselves, the entire incident lends itself to conscious growth.
However, if you find yourself in a situation where you’re the only one who is willing to do these things, you can still use the situation for your own conscious growth.
I do this with everything that causes a reaction in me.
Yes, I still have the inclination to want to vent and be “right” about my perspective, but there’s a larger pull in me that desires to see the entire situation from a higher turn of the spiral, one that lends itself to true peace and personal power.
So I sit with my desire to be right (or seen, validated, vindicated, protected, justified, etc.) and my larger desire to be at peace (i.e., not taken out by this incident) until the desire to be right begins to lose its grip.
Sometimes the initial pull is too strong for me to immediately release its grip.
I want to act from that point frustration, hurt, defensiveness, desire to be seen/validated, etc.
And maybe I do. In which case, I apologize for the my reactiveness if it ends up causing hurt to another.
I can usually see the play that’s at hand and have enough wherewithal to be both frustrated and to see the incongruence in being frustrated with my desire to not be taken out by the incident.
I typically have enough space to see the full picture of my internal reaction, what’s causing it and the ultimate state I desire to be in (i.e. what needs to be shifted in me to be in the state I desire).
But, even in seeing the full picture, I may still feel a strong inner reaction to a given situation.
There’s usually enough space to keep it from turning into an outer reaction, but there’s still an inner dynamic to deal with to cool the energy that got heated.
(If it does turn into an outer reaction, I’m willing to take responsibility for it and apologize if my reaction leaves a negative residue with someone).
My desire to calibrate to inner peace (i.e., to know myself from a state that can’t be taken out by external things) is what allows me to continually process the events and incidents that occur in my life from a place that continually brings me back to inner peace.
Even though, in the heat of the moment, “regaining my inner peace” feels like attacking whatever external thing has temporarily taken me out, I know that’s a false way to go about knowing a true state of peace.
So I take responsibility for the underlying movement in myself that’s causing my reaction.
I don’t leave the “cause” outside of myself.
Instead, I recognize I have full ownership over my own inner peace, regardless of what the outside world does or doesn’t do.
This is a very powerful place to come from when it comes to processing the things in your life that attempt to hijack your inner peace.
I can show you how to do the same thing if inner peace is something you value (not every one does).
If this is something you desire help with, especially if you’re dealing with a specific situation or theme that keeps taking you out and you desire to resolve it within yourself, I’m currently offering one-on-one coaching sessions for $115 an hour. (Email me at shannacovey@gmail.com to discuss further).
Always Shine Brightly,
Shanna
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