We All Have A Little Crazy In Us…

Sometimes we become so focused on what we perceive as missing in our lives that we fail to notice all that’s right in our life. Finding ourselves in this place can be a bit like a slippery slope…the more we think that perceived missing thing is the key to our happiness, the more happiness eludes us.

To better illustrate this slippery slope, imagine a blank sheet of copy paper with one bold dot somewhere on the page, where the dot represents the perceived missing thing in our life and the white space represents all that is good and right in our life…

When we allow ego to take over our thinking, all of our energy and attention is directed at the dot (aka “the thing that would make us happy”, according to ego), instead of the white space (aka “the space where happiness already resides, if we could only recognize it”).

Ego loves to take over our thoughts by directing our attention to the dot, instead of the white space, so much so, that we often don’t even realize that’s what’s going (if we did, we wouldn’t be fooled by it).

And sometimes when we’re aware of its tricks, we’re still susceptible to being sucked into traveling down this slippery slope of thoughts…

It took me multiple cycles of negativity before I recently realized I’d been focusing on the dot instead of the white space (and this dot/white space concept isn’t a new idea for me!).

When fear strikes (which is what happens when we get caught in the “I need the dot to be in my life to feel happy, secure, fulfilled, etc.), our higher reasoning temporarily goes out the window. The more emotionally attached we are to “needing” this dot, the more distressed we become by not having it.

Stated another way: The more we think our happiness (peace, fulfillment, salvation, security, etc.) depends on the dot, the more we become like the “crazy ex-girlfriend” Miranda Lambert sings about when attaining the dot is threatened.

I think of myself as a fairly calm, reasonable and rational person…yet when the likelihood of attaining my particular dot has been threatened, I’ve seen myself go (emotionally) bat crazy. I seriously didn’t think I had that kinda crazy in me, but it turns out I do.

The dot represents an emotional attachment that is being challenged by not being in place. When it comes to progressing in the inner journey, this is a good thing (since it’s flushing out our false dependencies), but when it comes to ego, this is terribly fear-inducing (since ego believes it needs the dot to feel safe, secure, happy, etc.)

The key is to master riding the wave of fear that sparks when our emotional attachments are threatened. It’s not to “hide our crazy”, but rather, to gracefully face it such that the tentacles of attachment that are creating “our crazy” dissolve from our awareness.

This is not easy. Or at least it hasn’t been for me.

The goal is to let go of the emotional attachment to needing the perceived dot (since we are already whole and complete, regardless of if the dot is in our life or not). If this can be accomplished in one fell swoop, you’re one of the few who gets to traverse this part of the path without experiencing emotional distress. That.is.awesome.

However, if you’re like the rest of us, it’s rare that this step can happen without some level of distress. This stage of continued distress (when we know the answer is to ultimately let go) is occurring because the transition from ego to spirit is still in process (if ego wasn’t at play, there would be no distress).

In this stage, we’re still straddling two different ways of thinking. We mentally understand what it means to let go (which is only grasped through spirit or our higher-mind), but we’re still emotionally attached to needing our perceived dot (which is a function of ego’s thought system).

Until we’re fully grounded in a thought system of spirit, distress is still experienced. For me, just knowing that distress is a part of the process has helped immensely. It’s allowed me to embrace it, instead of judging it as an indication that I’m backsliding.

Then, miracle of miracles, the distress evaporates through the mere acceptance of it. Funny how that works. (Technically speaking, acceptance breaks ego’s use of resistance, which is what was previously keeping the emotional tension high).

When we’re in this in-between stage, distress (or fear) can still fully take over us, causing us to act in ways we may have never thought possible (we meet our hidden crazy). Our emotional triggers are heightened, especially where the dot is concerned.

We compare ourselves to those who have the dot that we desire and attack them for having it when we don’t (their innocence is obscured by the projection of our own fear).

If the dot is a desire we’ve publicized to others, we feel uncomfortable when asked about our progress towards it (and we typically interpret them asking about it as a judgment on us, which is really us projecting our personal distress onto their question…be mindful of this; it’ll help alleviate any strained relationships that may arise).

If we’ve pursued the dot and concluded a story, regarding why we haven’t attained our dot, the obstacles in our journey will carry a lot of heavy emotional baggage and will serve as emotional triggers when people ask about the dot (again, it’s our own distress being projected onto the obstacles and questions being asked).

All of this will continue to occur until we’ve healed our desire to have the dot. Until we can fully accept that we’re whole and complete with or without the dot, we’ll continue to be drug through the emotional coals of our desire.

The desire is of ego because it falls under the line of thinking that says “I need this to be whole and complete”. The truth of what we are (spirit) needs nothing to know its own wholeness. When we start with this mental understanding, we can begin working our way to the conscious realization of the truth that leads to the peace that passes all understanding.

It was never about the dot (no matter how much ego tried to get us to believe it was). It’s about healing the desire for the dot (i.e., our emotional attachment)…when this occurs, the dot can come and go into our lives without being the thing that provides our fulfillment or takes away our fulfillment.

And in not needing the dot to be what fulfills us, we’re finally in a position to enjoy everything in our life through the pure extension of love. It’s the often overlooked paradox of emotional attachments…when we free ourselves from these attachments (which are always of ego), we free ourselves to love in the highest and purest way possible.

The proverbial dot disappears, leaving only the white space for our mind to focus on. All that is occurring in our life becomes an avenue for joy to be experienced because we are bringing joy to it, instead of depending on it to bring joy to us.

This fundamental difference is key to our happiness, peace, joy and fulfillment.

To knowing true joy,

Shanna