It’s Never about the Other Person

As much as we want our problems and frustrations to be about someone else, they never are.

Fortunately, when it comes to knowing peace, this is really good news (like, really).

It means peace is always within reach, no matter what we’re experiencing.

Ego leads us to believe that peace lies in conditions outside of ourselves being met…

We become annoyed when “so and so” does “xyz”; therefore they should stop (so that we feel peace).

Or we feel that we need “xyz” to be in place to feel peace.

The list of “shoulds” and “should nots” can go on and on when ego is laying claim to the conditions that must be met for peace to be known.

However, if the conditions of peace lie in something outside of us being a certain way, lasting peace could never be known.

Therefore, the path to peace is to resolve all frustration within ourselves, regardless of whether or not our external conditions change.

As with any aspect of ourselves that has been run by ego’s thinking, a reversal in thought is required to heal the error in our perception…

I recently met with someone who was becoming emotionally distressed over her husband’s choice to help family members who she viewed as taking advantage of him (yet he did not appear to be distressed by helping them or to have trouble with setting boundaries, when needed).

Prior to meeting with me, she believed peace could only be had if said family members stopped asking her husband for help and/or if her husband stopped helping them. These were the conditions she believed “needed” to be met to feel peace.

All the emotional turmoil she was experiencing was based in projecting her personal feelings about the situation onto him, regarding how he should feel and act. The condition was, “he should feel this way and he should act accordingly”.

How often do we lose our peace by simply projecting our thoughts and feeling onto how someone else should think, feel, and act?

It happens every time we judge someone else’s actions according to our conditions for their behavior.

Of course, this is easier to let go of when we’re not as emotionally invested in the other person (i.e., when we’re gossiping about celebrities or others who we’re not very close to).

However, when we’re emotionally invested, we have to disentangle ourselves from the “justification through compassion” line of thinking that drives these emotional attachments.

Ego thrives in anything that “justifies” an emotional attachment, since this creates the fixed position that it needs to sustain its stronghold on the situation that has disturbed our peace. And what better way to create a fixed position than through the belief that it protects another?

Be wary of any fixed positions based in the idea that you’re protecting another…ego uses the idea of compassion to keep you in its grip, but true compassion can never come with strings attached.

The highest example of compassion can only come from a peaceful state of mind. In this case (and other similar scenarios), ego is using the fear that one is being taken advantage of as the source of compassion (versus using love as the source).

Therefore, any act based in an emotional attachment to needing things to be a certain way is actually a selfish one based in assuaging one’s ego (since ego/fear is setting the terms for peace). Tough to hear, but true (and necessary if peace is ever to be truly known)…

Instead of allowing ego to persist through its “justified” behavior, the situation can be used to create a state of peace from within. This becomes possible when we begin to take full responsibility for meeting the true conditions for peace…

The primary condition to be met is fully letting go of placing any demands or expectations on the situation (i.e., we must let go of “any shoulds or should nots” for how the other person should be thinking, acting and behaving in the situation).

If you’re the wife in the example above, let the husband respond to the situation however he chooses by not projecting your personal demands and expectations on him or the overall situation…

If he wants to help his family, let him. He may feel purposeful in doing so. Don’t take that away from him. The idea that he’s being taken advantage of is yours, not his. He has every right to view his family in whatever light he chooses to do so, regardless of your view of it. Let him act according to that view, not yours.

If the family chooses to ask for help, let them. It doesn’t matter how justified your ego’s view is in seeing their requests for help as taking advantage of your husband. Allow them to ask and allow your husband to respond without expecting or demanding that it be any different.

This whole process of allowance and acceptance is to remove the veil of our emotional attachments to how things should be. Once this veil is removed peace and actions from true compassion become possible. However, prior to its removal, all of our thoughts, actions and behaviors are clouded with the judgment of our ego.

Love allows all things (ego represents a state of resistance).

Love accepts all things (ego represents a state of non-acceptance).

Love transforms all things (with ego no longer obstructing progress, change becomes possible).

Once an inner state of peace is reached, you may feel moved to take action (like talk to your husband in the example above).

However, you’ll be taking action without the projection of your ego’s demands and expectations, which is where the most fruitful action can occur, since it stems from both peace and true compassion (versus a fear-based projection).

This “inner clean-up” of our thoughts and emotions is what makes space for the most fruitful action to arise in any situation. When we act from this space, we’re can rest assured that we’re acting in the interest of the highest good (as opposed to our ego’s selfish desires for peace).

This “inner clean-up” of our thoughts and emotions can be summed up as the complete dedication to reversing ego’s thought system. The more we open to this reversal of thought, the more we open to love, joy and the peace that passes all understanding.

And it starts by applying this “inner clean up” to the next situation that you experience frustrations with. The healing continues as you apply what you learned to all other similar scenarios. Then it begins to snowball…in the most positive, peace inducing way. 🙂

To reversing ego’s thought system!

Shanna

P.S. Don’t forget to print out a copy of this quick reference to the path. Once you have it in a visible area, all you have to do is remember to refer to it when you’re feeling frustrated! 🙂