How to Identify & Heal Shame (no matter how subtle it may be)

One of the biggest obstacles to tackle in our journey of self-discovery is facing anything that we have shamed ourselves for…or that we fear doing because we think “society” would shame us for doing it. With the ladder, I’m referring to doing something that your conditioning may say is beneath you (as opposed to doing something that causes harm to another).

Shame can range from subtle embarrassment to deep guilt. Regardless of where you land on this trajectory, the energy that shame traps must be faced so that it can be free to dissolve into love. If not, it remains running in the background (or in some cases, the foreground) negatively affecting your life.

When we’re not mindful of where we feel and act from shame, we unconsciously project the fear that hides in shame, whether it’s fearfully working to conceal our embarrassing act from being revealed or, in the case with deep guilt, fearfully believing that we are unworthy of good things…like the receipt of love.

These hidden fears become embedded trigger points that can be set-off by the most innocent of acts or statements by others, especially those to whom we’re closest, causing our entire perception to become clouded by them.

For anyone committed to living a more conscious life, our job is to uncover and heal the roots of our personal shame, no matter how deeply embedded it may or may not be.

First, we must identify where shame may be inadvertently usurping our awareness. Again, this can range from deep guilt to subtle embarrassment…

Deep guilt tends to occur when we’ve done something to bring shame on ourselves like causing physical or psychological harm to another, being the recipient of something that happened to us without our consent (sexual molestation or assault), or doing something that caused harm to ourselves (engaging in self destructive behaviors like drinking, drugs, overeating, etc.).

Embarrassment tends to be more individualized based on someone’s personal conditioning. For instance, someone who values fiscal responsibility may feel embarrassed for mishandling their own finances, especially if it involved taking a risk that stood outside of their normal, practical, safe behavior.

The same can be said for someone who has always perceived themselves as valuing the institute of marriage, yet finds him or herself going through a divorce.

Or someone who values safety and security yet finds themselves being let go from a job they’ve held for years.

And yet another form of shame lies in fearing doing something for fear of what others might think, like leaving a corporate career to live a more simple life.

It’s important to note that society as a whole never shames or condemns us; it’s our projection of what our version of “society” thinks that condemns us. This projection is the root of the problem and it must be corrected and healed.

Shame, fear, guilt and embarrassment are all rooted in (and held together by) ego….the big gray cloud that obscures our light from shining.

When we’re caught in ego’s energy system, we think it holds the ultimate truth about ourselves…that we should feel shame for all the reasons our inner critic lists. We think this voice is logical…that it represents the only way the world works.

What we must come to see is that this voice represents an insane world…one where a deeper truth is held captive to ego’s ruling force.

Committing to becoming a more conscious person means challenging the insane world that your old perception has always rested on. In doing so, you open your perception to being healed and corrected.

Much of this healing rests in forgiveness. In the broadest brush stroke, it’s the complete forgiveness of a perception based in ego, where only the light of truth is left.

However, coming to this point, requires a practice of forgiveness where you apply it to every misperception that is brought to light for healing. It’s the bridge from ego to the divine spirit that lives in you as you. The more you do it, the more the light of your soul is able to shine forth.

If you know you’re struggling with deep guilt, you may want to find someone (a coach, therapist or trusted friend) who can help you heal. No one—no matter what actions you’ve committed or were done to you—need live under the trapped energy of shame when true healing is possible.

Embarrassment occurs when we do something that contradicts how we want to be seen by others. It creates self-consciousness as well as a dependence on feeling secure (or insecure) based on the feedback we receive from others (or our perception of what others may or may not be thinking).

The goal of our healing is to know ourselves independent of outside feedback (i.e., the opinion of others), which is complete forgiveness of any ego-based perception.

With this goal in mind, begin to notice when you feel some version of shame (no matter how subtle it is) and start to ask yourself these questions:

What is driving me to feel shame or embarrassment in this moment? Have I taken an action that contradicts the self-image I want to project? Why am I trying to project a certain self-image? If my actions contradict my desired self-image, why am I trying to protect my self-image instead of accepting my action or the outcome of a particular situation?

Is this leading me closer to knowing my deepest truth or away from it? Can I let go of that which no longer serves me?

How am I projecting what others think (or my version of what society thinks) onto myself in this situation? At the core of my being, do I agree with this projection or is it simply the byproduct of my old conditioning? Can I let this projection go?

Why is it important that I be perceived in a particular manner? How am I relying on this feedback to know myself? How can I know myself independent of this outside feedback?

Just beginning a process of asking yourself these questions begins to stop the flow of ego energy, such that these insane perceptions can be brought to light and healed.

You can also enhance this process by invoking divine guidance to aide in your healing through prayer…

You can ask for help in bringing forth the necessary courage to forgive and heal specific “misperceptions” that are brought to light through asking yourself the questions listed above, as well as, the courage to let go of any conditioning that no longer serves you.

As you work to disentangle yourself from ego’s energy system, you’ll release yourself to know and extend love…the whole reason for participating in this earthly experience.

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To healing our misperceptions,

Shanna