How to Embrace + Transcend Old Egoic Patterns

Three years ago I had the impulse to make and share my first video blog. I didn’t even know what vlogs were, much less that people created their own Youtube channels to do such things. A friend suggested the idea; it felt right, so I did it (you can see part 1 here).

I was simply following an impulse without resisting it.

About six months later, I had an impulse to begin writing.

I, again, followed it without resisting it.

Nine months later I had a completed manuscript for A Call to the Heart.

None of this occurred of my own accord. The impulse to “do” simply flowed through me and I responded accordingly.

I was, then, led to a publishing seminar, where I learned (*stomached*) a disheartening fact: non-fiction publishers seek to work with authors who already have a significant platform in place, as a way of banking on this platform to be a potential customer-base for book sales.

This was the moment my relationship with what was taking place, through me, became dysfunctional. For the first time, I became concerned with the “success” of the outcome.

Since I didn’t have this desired platform in place, I began to intermittently move from trusting the overall process in which things were unfolding to fearing the order in which they were occurring.

The more time that went on without my platform growing to the tune they had spoke of, the more I began to wonder…

• Why would God work through me to create the book before this platform was in place?

• Why didn’t the necessary platform grow and develop with each blog post that I shared?

• How could something flow through me to create the book and then stop when it came to developing the necessary platform?

• What did I do wrong? Was I somehow not doing enough? What was I lacking that others, who had developed a sizable platform, had?

These are the types of questions that our ego-mind asks when it doesn’t understand why things are unfolding in the manner that they are. Ego takes a very myopic perspective on all that occurs in our life, one that focuses only on its own survival…the perpetuation of itself through security and certainty.

But the higher-path can only be successfully traversed if the perpetuation of ego is stopped, so that the energy that is currently fueling ego can be fully rerouted into the soul’s awakening.

Energy was fueling my soul’s awakening through the impulse to create the blogs and book, but this energy was becoming enmeshed in old ego-patterns once ego desired security through the constant unfolding of God’s plan on its’ terms.

When the security that ego seeks is challenged, fear temporarily overpowers faith. We feel vulnerable, and in our vulnerability, we start to wonder why it feels like the rug just got ripped out from under our feet.

We see the security that we desire occurring in someone else’s life and wonder what they have that we don’t have (victimhood through comparison).

Our myopic view clouds other, broader, soul-based perspectives.

God knows my highest intention is to return to truth. He knew that, in my case, to receive “traditional success” would have perpetuated my ego’s need for security. It had to be challenged so that I could master not needing this security.

I haven’t mastered this, but I’m fully committed to experiencing what I need to experience in order to master it, which, for the time being, means experiencing pain every time I want the security my ego desires.

Opening ourselves to experiencing the temporary pain that comes with uprooting old egoic patterns is necessary to facing, embracing, and transcending these patterns. We only feel this pain when we’re aligned with our ego and its unmet desires. Once we shift to our soul’s perspective, the pain dissipates.

Sometimes massive upheaval is necessary to align with our inner truth. Sometimes it’s a string of upheavals connected to a specific pattern that needs to be healed, which tends to be my case with this particular soul-lesson…

I get centered in my soul’s perspective, rock along for a while, and then, BAM, I’m triggered! Fear kicks-in. Victimhood ensues. It’s ugly for a moment; sometimes there’s collateral damage through my misused words, prompting an immediate apology on my behalf.

Then I catch a glimpse of light and let it begin to guide me out of the darkness.

I used to push away the upheaval thinking that I was regressing, but I’ve come to see that the opposite is happening. The upheaval is part of loosening up the energy that has become enmeshed in ego identification.

Ego wants to cling to its known structure (security), but these structures must crumble to make room for your soul to rise.

When you become emotionally entangled in any upheaval that is taking place within, find the space within yourself to trust that this process is leading to something greater…your soul’s awakening.

Begin to consciously take deep breaths (inhale with “so” and exhale with “hum”), until you begin to calm down. Be gentle with yourself as you work your way back to being centered. All will be okay (better than okay)…

This is all leading to something quite beautiful: a transfiguration in your soul whereby your source identity shifts from your ego-based, body-mind consciousness to the place where you know your eternal connection to God.

Committing to our soul’s awakening also changes how we define success. To the world, a book is considered “successful” when it makes the best seller list, but to God, completing the impulse to “do” is considered successfully fulfilling our spiritual duty.

I have to remind myself that I successfully did that by following the impulse to write A Call to the Heart.

This continues to be a challenging lesson for me to learn because it tears at the very seams of my ego. I want to fulfill my spiritual duty (commitment to my higher-self) and I want the security that it’ll turn into “in the world” success (commitment to my ego). But I can’t serve two masters, if I want to make real progress.

This is not to say that “in the world” success can’t come with fully committing to our spiritual duty, but it is to say that we risk deferring our spiritual awakening if success comes in conjunction with being partially committed to ego.

I don’t want success at the expense of my inner healing/awakening. I believe God knows this even when my ego takes over and wants to know why “in the world” success isn’t happening. I can calmly say this when I’m not blinded by a fear-induced state. =)

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To continued healing + soul-expanding breakthroughs!

Shanna