Investing In Other People’s Journeys

Sometimes we fall into the trap of investing in other people’s journeys through the expectations and desires that we have for them.  This can happen when a parent strongly desires that their children take a certain route in life or when a spouse invests in how they believe their significant other should think and behave.  In my case, I have a tendency to invest in my friends’ journeys.

This is simply another trap set by ego.  We think by investing in the outcome of their journey (by trying to control the choices that they make along the way) that we are helping them.  Each time they make a choice outside of what we would have them make, we think we are “saving” them by attempting to intervene.  But if we are intervening from ego (as opposed to spirit), we are doing more damage than good.  Ego acts through an energy of control; whereas spirit acts through an energy of acceptance through love.

We are also under ego’s trap that our inner peace depends on them making the choices that we desire for them.  We would no longer feel frustrated if our child, spouse, or friend would just act in accordance with our expectations.  Inner peace is not dependent on circumstances being different than they present themselves to be.  Inner peace is achieved through acceptance of what is.  This state of acceptance is what opens the path for love to flow through.  When we are resistant to “what is”, frustration, annoyance, and anger has friction from which to materialize.  Without this resistance, there is nothing from which these emotions can spring.  In accepting the person, situation, experience, and circumstances “as is”, inner peace is realized and spirit is allowed to work through us.

It’s not that we are never supposed to say or do anything to the other person; it’s that our words and actions should come from spirit, not ego.  We have to get our ego out of the way by coming from a place of acceptance, tolerance, and allowance.  In this way, we open ourselves to being guided by something greater than ourselves to know what to say or not say, do or not do, and especially to have an energy of love when interacting with the other person (versus fear).

Ego also sets the trap for us to feel justified in our expectations for the other person because these expectations are under the guise of what is best for them (in our opinion).  We feel that we know what is best for them, but that is actually ego’s arrogance.  How could we possibly know what their highest spiritual path is?  Only God can know that, which is why it is arrogant for us to think otherwise.  A spiritual shift occurs when people are willing to see things differently, not when we attempt to aggressively intervene and force them to see things differently.  Unfortunately, for some, that willingness may not come until they hit rock bottom or experience a significant event.  However, hitting rock bottom and experiencing significant events can lead to massive spiritual shifts because it is the point at which hanging on to what we need to let go of is no longer appealing.  These moments have the potential to lead one to finally letting go and letting God.

Watching someone travel towards a rock bottom or experience a significant event typically leads those who are closest to the person to invest in their journey.  We don’t stop caring and we don’t stop loving, instead, we stop interfering from a position of ego.  The more we try to control the outcome, the more restricted the flow of love becomes.  If we are trying to control how our loved one responds to the events in their journey, we are acting from a place of fear, not love, which is the energy that they are receiving from us.   We have to learn to trust that their willingness will come in the time that it is meant to come (Divine timing).

In the case with my friend, she is currently facing a significant event in her life.  She can either choose to use the situation for a fast moving spiritual awakening or not.  I am teetering on the edge, biting my nails, anxious in anticipation, wondering what she will choose, all the while wanting to jump in to ensure that it goes in the direction that I desire for her.  But I can’t act on my inclination to ensure that it goes a certain way.  I can’t bring an energy of fear, through any attempts to control the outcome, to the situation.  I have to allow.  I have to trust.  I have to surrender.  I have to give her the space to have her journey.

It doesn’t matter how much I believe my spiritual perspective and insights could help to ignite a spiritual awakening in her if she’s not in a place to receive and accept them.  If she’s in a very resistant place, they could do more harm than good.  She could feel that I lack compassion for what she’s experiencing.  She could feel that I could never possibly understand what she’s going through having not had a similar experience.  And she would be right…I have not been faced with what she is experiencing.  She could feel pressured to conceal her true emotional state from me if she thought it fell outside of the “expectations” that I have for how I would like her to respond to her experience.  None of this would serve to help her in her journey.  In fact, it would probably only serve to inhibit her journey.

According to A Course in Miracles, our goal, with one another, is to help emotionally and spiritually heal each other.  That healing comes through love and surrender.  Our individual role is to surrender to what the Holy Spirit (our inner guide) would have us do.  When we give the situation over to something greater than ourselves, we release ourselves to be guided.  That is what I have done in the case with my friend.  I have prayed for guidance and I have also prayed for her to be open to finding God’s plan and will in what she has experienced.  Our true power comes through surrender, as this is when we access a power far greater than our own.  Our small attempts to “control” one another are meaningless in comparison to God’s power to heal through love.  His love is extended through our individual expressions of it.  When we let go of our ego’s desire to control, we become available to become instruments of love in the ways in which we are guided to do so.

As always, the journey continues….

With love,

Shanna

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